“You have the watches, we have time.” African saying
Isn’t this true? That the less we have time the more we tend to measure it. Or could it be that because we measure it, we perceive it like scarce?
On one hand it goes and never comes back, but on the other, new days and hours and minutes replace the former. So it is infinite: in theory. In reality, every minute that pass brings us closer to our final destiny, our only truth, the only thing we know for sure about the future: our own death. It’s true that every worry about time is a worry about our own death. And I used to obsess a lot about death, thanks to my philosophy studies in high school and the existential authors they introduced me into. But I also learned to overcome it. I will tell you how.
He asked me:
-You are afraid of dying, aren’t you?
-No, I said, it’s rather the opposite: life is scarier than death to me.
What could he tell more? He kept staring at me.
Then I said:
-Are you thinking too much about death?
He said nothing, but it was obvious that he was.
-Then I will share with you one sentence that saved my life: you can’t stare at death, like you can’t stare at the sun without harming yourself.
-But it’s the only truth! he said.
-I know, but if you think about it, the sun is a truth too. It exists for sure, and rules our daily life, yet we don’t sit in front of it and stare at it all day long. It doesn’t need our attention to exist.
Then ironically the time was over and I had to leave.
But if we keep the subject strictly on why we measure it, I have been thinking deeply about this these days. Not because of the new year, and the change of calendar. But because I was preparing a new product on my etsy shop: a digital planner. I thought a lot about its usefulness. Why was I doing this? Wasn’t it a typical chain production tool like all the efficiency and productivity tools are? Well first I thought: it’s true that we measure time for efficiency at work. You usually are less time bound during your holidays. (People typically take their watch off during holidays.) But measuring time also helped me for several things:
- keep me motivated: if I knew it would be done in five minutes, I would be more willing to do it.
- working smarter, finding shortcuts: doing less work and accomplishing more.
- predict the time when the work will be done.
- an objective reference: because the perception of time is subjective, you need to know for how long you have been really working rather than you feel like you are working.
So I thought, as long as we need to work we will need tools to measure time and our efficiency. So yes, my work was meaningful, and if you want to take a look at my 2022 dated and hyperlinked planner, you can check it in my etsy shop. (extremely low price for the first 100 customers).
I can’t be happy if everybody in this world is not happy: my battle against “personal communism” in the era of post cold war.
I was born during cold war. And was a teenager during Gorbatchev’s Perestroika and later on when the Soviet Union fell apart. My country was a NATO member, and an ally to the USA. So communism was told to be the biggest threat at the time, and you could have serious trouble by defending it. I remember a young
guychild?, 15 years old, who wrote Communism = to share, on the wall of his school back then. The school principal had reported him to the government and he went to jail. I had read it on the newspaper with a lot of pain. Of course, it’s all different now. There is no cold war between US and Soviet Union. There is not even a Soviet Union. Although communism is an obsolete word nowadays it still remains a concept on which I am reflecting a lot. Not on a political but personal level.
In fact, the idea of this post started the other day in the early morning when I was doing yoga in the middle of my living room. I felt something like a sort of large fishing net over me, covering the world, to shrink to the size of my head. It was like a silent friendly advice: “stop thinking about feeding the whole world, and get focused on your own good only.” I know it’s usually the opposite. All yoga prayers go like “for the good of the whole.” The advice was to the point. Maybe other people need to learn to be less selfish, while I need to learn to be a little bit more.
But I know I am not the only one. I know that for some people there is something like: not being selfish enough. I also think it’s a boundary problem (again). The idea is something like this: I can’t be happy if everybody in this world is not happy or I am not allowed to enjoy my good health if everybody in this world is not healthy. I call it “personal communism” and try to get rid of it because I think this way of thinking is not healthy and more of all is not sustainable. If we start to discuss whether communism is healthy or not I know the debate can be very passionate, even now, in post cold war era. Because all political discussions are. Just know that it’s only my opinion about the subject. Feel free to think differently. But please try to read this post until the end.
This way of thinking is just beyond the surface, and once uncovered can come to consciousness and be judged. Once you can judge it you know you will always lose to this game since you can never enjoy good things in life, like happiness, good health etc. because obviously not everybody will have them all at the same time.
Right now I am thinking about Stefan Zweig, who committed suicide with his wife during Second World War, in despair of humanity. But also, of a Turkish sociologist whose name I unfortunately forgot, but who also committed suicide many years ago saying “there is too much pain in this world”. To me it’s the same way of thinking, just taken further. The root idea is the same.
I was told once there has been only 50 years in World History with no war. And there will always be pain. When you commit suicide you don’t solve the humanity’s problem, you only add further pain for who remains. I wish I could have talked to them.
I know from my psychology studies that almost all of the time, opposite extremes are in fact the reverse of the same coin. When a family over spend his money, the next generation will either over spend too or be extremely frugal. Because when you don’t know what the right amount of something is, you can only go as far as you can. I believe it’s the same with selfishness/unselfishness. I believe in balance between taking and giving. Or between caring for others and caring for yourself. As the proverb says: charity begins at home.
To be able to set this balance you need healthy boundaries. There must be a clear here and there. I believe there is something as a basic selfishness which is a border between me and you. It further separates my goods from yours. I should be able to feel something different than you. Being empathetic is different than being fusional. (Now think about being fusional with the whole world.) So next time you watch the news, try to imagine a small wall around you, that protects you from the outside world, like a small garden where you can plant your happiness flowers and where the sun is allowed to shine.
Do you have hard time saying “no”? Maybe you have accepted to take care of your neighbor’s pet while you are working full time, and raising three children? Or you have that annoying friend who always shares with you all “the cat videos” on internet, and you think (s)he will be offended if you tell her/him to stop sending them. Or you are invited to a party where you know the other guests are not the type of people with whom you have a lot to share. So you know you have to say “no, thanks, not for me” but you feel so bad, you say “yes”. And you still feel bad, but in a different manner. I know how it feels. I have been there. And I also found out the reason why it’s so hard to say no, which I am going to share with you and this article is all about.
Well, sometimes the situation is tough. Because the neighbor is old, the friend sensitive, and the host of the party is inviting you somewhere for the first time. But what if you are the one who always sacrifice her/himself? What if you always find (sometimes even silly) excuses for others and never for yourself? If this is the case, then you are having a boundary problem, and in the long term it can make you sick.
In biology, boundaries are how life started on earth. No boundaries, no life. You have a boundary wrapping every cell of your body, and the mega boundary which is your skin. In a bigger scale, you have boundaries too, in geography every country border is a boundary. Although we like to imagine with Lennon that if there is no country, there is nothing to kill or die for, in reality borders are there to protect countries, cultures and identities. Your soul has an invisible border too, and it’s your job to protect it, by not allowing things that you know are against your interests: by simply saying no.
So why is it not that simple to say that word? What happens when you say no to someone? I know from myself that when I have the hardest time to say no to someone, it’s when I think they will feel offended. They will take it personally. (Sometimes they really do. But I will come to that in a moment.) But sometimes, it’s all in my head. After tons of introspections, I found out that when I can’t say no to someone, very often, it’s when I am not ready to hear that word from that person. I am the one who would take things personally. So in order to say no to others, I have to heal that wound, that false belief that if that persons says no, (s)he rejects ME. When 99,999 % of the time, what is rejected is the offer. If you want to be able to say no, without feeling too bad, you should be able to accept a refusal without too much pain. I believe there is a norm for that: a normal person with healthy boundaries wouldn’t take it personally if their offer gets rejected. At the most, they would get annoyed. But not destructed. So learn to accept to not take things personally, and you will find it much easier to say no.
Now, it’s hard to say no to someone having boundary issues. They will get really offended, even upset. But it’s their job to heal, not yours to sacrifice yourself because they are not working on their issues. So when it happens too many times with the same person that when I attempt to protect my boundaries, they get upset, I know it’s time to move on from the relationship. The other way, would be, sorry if it’s brutal but: soul rape.
So, let’s heal our soul and respect each other’s boundaries. Peace in the soul, peace in the world.
This is the best ever chocolate brownie recipe that I have eaten in years, and it originally belongs to my mom. It’s slightly fudgy and chewy at the center. But doesn’t have the feel of “not cooked enough”. It’s easy and quick to prepare, and turns out delicious every time I make it. Plus the ingredients are very easy to find, you probably already have them all. Just a warning: it’s not sugar-free, nor it is gluten-free, therefore I only make it for special occasions. If you are looking for a healthier dessert I suggest you to try another recipe. But if you don’t deal with diabetes and want to treat yourself from time to time this is THE recipe. So this post is all about the best chocolate brownie recipe you will ever need.
Best chocolate brownie recipe
- 120 gr chocolate bitter
- 75 gram butter
- 1 cup sugar white (granulated)
- 1 pinch salt
- 1 cup flour white
- 2 eggs
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 2 handful crushed walnuts (optional but recommended)
- melt butter in double boiler. Add sugar and whisk for five min.
- add chocolate to double boiler until melted. Set aside until cooler.
- add eggs and stir.
- add flour gradually. Then remaining ingredients. Stir well.
- butter bottom and egdes of an approximately 20 cm x 20 cm pyrex or oven safe any container and pour double boiler mixture in it. İt will be very thin first. Don't worry will thicken when baked.
- put in 180 degree centrigrad owen for 20 min. Ready when knife test is dry.
NotesDO NOT add too much baking soda and DO NOT overbake it ( like DO NOT leave it in hot oven) or the center will not be fudgy.
So wasn’t this easy to make? Isnt’t it the best chocolate brownie you have ever eaten? If you have tried this recipe, please rate it in the comments part below.
This is a recipe of the ultimate healthy breakfast to me. Of course you can replace cottage cheese with whatever cheese you have at home, but the reason why I cook it with cottage cheese is because it is the lowest in fat. Also the flour used in it is the most important ingredient: rolled oats flour. In fact, the purpose of this omelette is essentially eating eggs and oat together in one meal. All the other ingredients are added to make it more colorful, and tasty. So if you feel like adding some extra you can. This egg and oats combination is so powerful, my pilates coach knows exactly which day I ate that breakfast, based on my performance. And you will not want to eat anything after it for 3 hours may be more. So this post is all about the ultimate healthy breakfast omelette that will help you be fit and I might add: change your life.
healthy breakfast omelette
- 1 egg
- cottage cheese
- ¼ bell pepper
- ⅓ tomato
- 3 tablespoon rolled oats flour
- ¼ onion
- oil or butter to grease the pan
- 2 tablespoon ground flaxseed (optional but so rich in omega 3)
- 5 twig parsley
- salt & pepper
- thinly slice onion, tomato, parsley and bell pepper
- grease the pan
- pour thinly sliced ingredients in and cook it for 5 min.
- in a small bowl combine eggs, flaxseeds, oatmeal flour and milk. Pour it on pan.
- add cheese, salt and pepper if you wish.
- when one side is cooked delicately turn the other side.
- that's it!
NotesI have invested in a coffee grinder machine to grind my flaxseeds. With the same machine I grind my oats and obtain oat flour. If you don’t own a coffee grinder you might use a kitchen robot for both at the same time but they will be less like flour.
So please try this recipe, and tell me in the comments below if it changed your day’s performance and which ingredients you added or neglected.